I want to be a recreational drug user. That’s not true, I just wanted to grab your attention. The opportunity for dabbling in that sort of thing is long gone anyway, for I have a cancer with no cure. As a result, I now take a lot of drugs, daily, some of which, I am told, people take recreationally. Crazy kids. I take the recreational ones for pain relief and can confirm that they do in fact, relieve my pain. Well done Morphine. Well done Diazepam.
This morning I said that I longed for a day when I did not think about My Myeloma. Such a day is impossible because everyday I have to take these stupid drugs. I have to remind myself every morning, afternoon and nighttime to take a selection of pharmaceutical products. Actually, I do not need to remind myself to take the morning and nighttime selection because by the time I wake up or go to sleep, I will probably be in pain, so I will actively seek the drugs out. The afternoon selection on the other hand… Well, I say ‘afternoon’, but the pills can be taken at any point between midday and 19:00hrs. There are rules with some of my pills and trying to remember those is a feat in itself. Until an hour ago, I had completely forgotten that the big fat pill (Lansoprazole) I have to take each morning to protect my stomach has to be taken at least half an hour before food. I have not been doing this. Does that mean that my stomach is not protected? What time will I have to wake up on treatment days in order to adhere to these restrictions? If I happen to sleep in, that’ll throw my morphine schedule right off. I try not to sleep in too often.
These drugs, which I sort out every Sunday for the week ahead, do not even treat My Myeloma. The drugs are a combination of pills designed to combat the side effects of my treatment and as I said above, pain relief.
On a good day, I take 14 pills. That is the fewest amount of pills that I will take on a given day and I am prescribed more, I just decided not to take them. I really do not need to take eight paracetamols a day for example, when four will do the trick. And don’t even get me started on the laxatives…
On a bad day, which will inevitably be
on a chemotherapy and steroid day, I could take and have taken, up to 26 pills in a 24 hour period plus the 20 steroids that form part of my treatment. So, on a bad day, I can take up to 46 pills all in. That, my friends, is a lot of pills. Yummy. Now you understand the need for the Lansoprazole.
These pills, these prescription drugs, are a thrice daily reminder that I have cancer. I cannot escape this and who knows when I will be able to escape this.
I am confident that I will beat the current myeloma explosion in my body; and I know that these drugs are part of the process that is making me better. As I am in battle mode then, I’ll just have to suck it up, and deal with the reminders. Daily. And the simple fact is that I do have cancer. I manage this and everything it encompasses daily. Sometimes, only sometimes, like the drugs issue today, it (whatever ‘it’ is) pisses me off. Big time.
What scares m is that I have no idea whether I will have to tackle a daily drug reminder once I am in remission. My Myeloma is going to come back, it always does, and who in their right mind would want a daily reminder of that? Certainly not my imaginary husband.