I have slept since yesterday and I am feeling slightly better. A little bit more like my usual self, only sicker and more tired. Anyway, I slept so much last night that I forgot to take my pain pills, thus far, there is no difference in my pain, so fingers crossed this will not impact on my day or in fact weekend.
I was not in the position yesterday to speak about my want for self promotion. So I couldn’t even talk about the actual self promotion. I think I can do it today and tell you all about my big interview… It takes my mind off the ‘set back’ and like I said yesterday, if my experience can do some good for others in my position, then that must be better than me wallowing and crying into my pillow and/or phone. It is now a well documented fact that I have Multiple Myeloma. I have a cancer with no cure. I have to deal with that. I manage it everyday, it’s just that some days, I do it better than others. I have to keep on fighting it, not just for the people in my life, but for myself. I need bad days, so I can embrace the good. I just haven’t had too many good medical days of late. Good days with my Network sure, good medical days, no. Long may this not continue.
So, back to me. How else does a narcissistic self promoter find positivity? Well, they talk about themselves of course. Maybe the reason I am finding this so hard is that I love my life, I love my network and I love myself. I just want to get back to being the person whose current existence is not controlled by cancer and I yearn for the day when ‘cancer’ and ‘Emma’ are not mentioned in the same breath.
I have joked a lot in private this week about my need to talk about myself. Before My Myeloma, I would do it in person. All the time. Nothing personal, nobody needed to know about that. Now, I have the blog mostly and a counsellor, oh and the nice people in the Macmillan Support Centre and I talk about everything. The latter is how I got involved in yesterday’s self promotion.
Yesterday morning then, I participated in a BBC documentary, somewhat ironically called ‘Keeping Britain Alive’. I was asked because of my positive outlook and how I am managing my treatment. Yesterday afternoon then, I felt like a fraud. A weak fraud at that. At the time of the interview I did not. I truly believed what I said to the cameras when I said that I can manage My Myeloma and that my cancer does not define me. Sometimes, when the shit hits the fan, I need a little reminder of this. I said all of this to my interviewer, who goes by the name of Jeremy Hunt MP. During the brief interview, I kept the majority of my political views to myself and talked about the medicine and the importance of the non-medicinal support for cancer patients. It was a hoot. I was the centre of attention. Hooray. I am realistic, most of it will be edited out.
I had planned to get some snapshots of the filming process, but alas, there was a mix up with my transport and I arrived late, which led to my handbag and thus my beloved iPhone being taken away out of camera shot. I was allowed to keep the walking stick in… for the effect I wager. As I could not take my own images, I have found this on the Internet for you, just to give you a flavour.
My ego got a good old stroking afterwards too… Lots of handshakes and compliments. Fortunately, as I was in a hospital, I was reasonably assured that I was not going to receive a nasty bug from the adoring fans. Another bonus.
I could carry on talking about it, but there I will end it. The programme is called ‘Keeping Britain Alive’ and will be aired next Autumn I believe. I do not want to sound like an overly sentimental sap, but I really hope that in the next 12 months some clever bugger can find away to keep me alive. I really, really want it. Pretty please.