It surprised me when I woke up this morning and realised that despite regularly leaving the flat, I have not walked anywhere completely by myself since I was diagnosed. I very much miss this independence, an independence that the majority of human beings have. To begin with, my reliance on vehicles and friends was through necessity and somedays this is still the case. I cannot walk very far and definitely cannot carry a great deal. It is my reality. On a good day, my mobility is such that I can walk some distance. It does scare me though. I like the security of walking with somebody else. What if I were to fall over? Who would help me get up? What would happen if my left shoulder decided to be an arse and I could not hold the walking stick and a handbag? How would I get home if one of my vertebrae decided to fracture again? So many fears… So this morning, I realised that I was being a wuss and it was definitely time to bite the bullet. I cannot do anything about the medicine, but this sort of progress is within my control. There is no need to sugarcoat it, I was being a sissy. And thus, after a bath, I decided that I was going suck up the fear and venture into Dalston proper, by myself, to buy some face wax (seriously, the steroids) and a salt beef bagel.
Venture I did. It is a walk I have done hundreds of times, but there was something quite exciting about doing it today. I felt naughty. I felt like a naughty, brave person. It is a grey day, and I know this is a cliche, but I was looking at Kingsland High Street through rose tinted glasses and I wasn’t wearing glasses. It is quite strange to romanticise the Kingsland Centre, but that I did, because I was by myself, headphones adorned, buying stuff, just like normal. Normal. Well, reasonably normal, my right hip is being a pain in the arse today and the act of walking was quite difficult and the stick was actually required rather than me simply using it to keep my public at bay. I didn’t let it spoil my fun though, nor the fact that the bagel shop did not have salt beef.
This then, is how I saw Dalston today, through my special glasses and my iPhone.
It is so pretty.