Sunday Night Blues

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have had a weekend. I do not want my weekend to end, by weekend, what I really mean, is I do not want the last 10 treatment free days to end. For the first time in a long time, I do not want to go to work tomorrow. I do not want Sunday night to end, because tomorrow morning, my current work means chemotherapy, Velcade and illness.

Battling My Myeloma is now my job and it is tiresome.

Tomorrow is Day 1 of my fourth cycle. I feel differently about this cycle, because I am apprehensive about the success of my treatment, and I fear the side effects I am going to experience over the next fortnight are going to be a complete waste of time. Clearly, these thoughts are negative and thus they are naughty and should be banished to Timbuktu. The illness I can manage if I know it is a means to an end. I just don’t know if it is.

Tomorrow, I finally get my paraprotein result from the last cycle and if there is not a reduction, I am not entirely sure how I am going to find the strength to get through the next two weeks. I know I will find the strength from somewhere, I always do. I just really, really want the paraprotein to have gone down. I want to be making progress in my treatment, so I know I am just that little bit closer to this phase of my life being over. If it has not gone down, I know there are more treatments and I will keep trying them until the Medically Trained People find one that works. I will accept no other option. Right now though, it would just be nicer and easier for me if there was a reduction. Good news will be the best medicine. Better than Valium.

πŸ‘πŸ˜„ Positive Thoughts, please πŸ˜„πŸ‘

If only I was going in to my actual work tomorrow.

EJB x

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One thought on “Sunday Night Blues

  1. Hope it all goes well. These bloody ‘is it working?’ fears are one of the worst bits of this sodding disease and treatment.

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