Knowing The Cycle

I am wiped out. As in, actually wiped out. For the last four days, I have been into the clinic everyday, for a minimum of four and a half hours each trip, and I have received four doses of chemotherapy and two reduced doses of velcade. And thus, as my body now battles four days worth of rather strong chemicals, and I guess My Myeloma, I am absolutely pooped.

Current symptoms include the following:

• fatigue – I fell asleep on my way home in the ambulance
• lack of concentration
• nausea
• stomach cramps
• slight neuropathy in my left limbs – aka the pins and needles and more cramp
• hot flushes
• a constant taste of metal in my mouth – Tin Mouth, Tin Mouth! The un-kissable dream
• headache
• neck stiffness
• constipation

Don’t feel sorry for me though, oh no.

What differs from this cycle from my previous three cycles, specifically the last one when my symptoms worsened, is that I know there is an end date to this misery. I am not entirely sure whether I will be fortunate enough for this to pass by Saturday morning but if it doesn’t, I know it will pass at some point over the weekend or early next week. Hell, it may even pass tomorrow. Who knows? Must stay hydrated.

I have no control over this feeling, but I do have control in how I manage it mentally. So, what you are actually reading is a happy blog, you just need to read between the lines.

My key message to you and myself is that this will pass. Although I am pretty much bed bound right now, I know it will pass at some point. These current feelings and sensations are just another chapter in my future best seller ‘A Means To An End: Marry Me, I Am Bald, I Had Cancer, But I Think You Are Fly’.

In the long run, feeling this shit, is making me better. One day, some clever person will invent drugs that do not have side effects, but in the meantime, I am a brave enough Very Pleasant Young Lady who is just going to lie in bed by herself and ride out this rather nasty wave.

As I am not one to shy away from the hideous side of my treatment, please feel free to view this photograph of me looking tired. I am sure Housemate saw worse when he got home this evening.


Sleep tight now.


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