Firsts

After my diagnosis, I found that my life has become a series of firsts. Simple, and not so simple things I did in my life pre-myeloma, I have had to build up to doing again in a body that is cancerous and painful.

The firsts or milestones have been slow coming, and they have been made more difficult by my physical limitations. That in itself then creates a whole heap of psychological worries. Some have come about intentionally through my dogged determination and some have been a pleasant surprise. These successes are always a pleasant reminder that I am improving. I am not talking about the medicine, I do not know whether that is improving and it is best not to think about that. What I mean is that I am improving and with that comes my growing confidence and independence.

Some may consider my milestones to be minor, but each one is an indication that I am not, will not be wholly defined by My Myeloma.

The first time I had a bath, the first time I walked up a flight of stairs, the first time I went to the cinema, the first time I got on a bus, the first time I could use the oven unaided, the first time I could walk into town and do my own shopping, the first time I went into work, the first time I had a pint, the first time I did a starfish in my bed, the first time I went to the BFI.

All of it equates to some normality and recognition of something I feared was lost.

There is still a way to go. I am looking forward to the day I can change my own bedding, but I know that that day will come.

Each time I experience something for the first time all over again, I feel stronger, regardless of whether my decision to do it was medically or mentally sound. And most the time, I wonder what the big deal was in the first place.

With that in mind, last night I slept using just two pillows. It was a first.

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