Four Weeks

I have four weeks of freedom before I go into UCLH for my stem cell transplant. The provisional date is 27 March. I finally have a date. One day I may have a date with a man too. We can hold hands and ‘stuff’, but for now, the 27 March 2013 is the only date I am worried about.

I will make myself enjoy the next 23 days, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to wait.

Way back in December, I was told that this current waiting period between the harvest and transplant was 1-2 weeks, then, I was told it was going to be 2-3 weeks and now it is four. Well, 27 days from my harvest. I know that in the grand scheme of things, an extra week is not a long time, but it is a long time to me. Getting to this point has been one hard slog full of set backs. I want it to move forward faster than the timetable is allowing it to.

There was a point when I looked forward to some time off treatment, but not anymore. I have already had six weeks off. Six whole weeks of waiting for something to happen and I do not want another four. I do not see this time as a time for me to enjoy being ‘normal’. All the time off gives me is extra anticipation and longing for the time when I get a period of recovery, when nobody knows when My Myeloma is going to come back (the stats say two years tops). Not a four week break that I know is only four weeks. Four weeks of waiting is not freedom. It is not living. After the transplant, I can, or at least I hope to, live for the moment. I am not living for the moment now, I am waiting for a course of treatment that I am assured, is far from pleasant and that is always in the back of my mind. Every added week to this process, that goes against my initial expectations, are days added to my sentence and I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place.

Four weeks. I am not entirely sure what can happen in four weeks. I’ll give it a whirl mind.

EJB x

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3 thoughts on “Four Weeks

  1. “The waiting room” is one of the worst places to be. But it will go quick. So enjoy. Go and catch up at the cinema etc. I unfortunately did not take my own advice and it was awful so now whilst I’m waiting again I’m being more proactive- it’s good for the soul! Xxx. It would be good to meet up one day too if you wanted xxxx

  2. Terri J says:

    It’s hard waiting but use the time to prepare your body & spirit. Enjoy friends & doing things because after the transplant you will not be able to for awhile. Our 33 year old daughter had her transplant in August 2012. In the hospital for 17 days after she reached her 100th day in Nov. she went back to work full time. Now 6 months after transplant she is back to doing what she did before & doing great. Of course going to the doctors has become part of her life but each visit is spaced out farther from each other. Yes it probably will come back. We have heard 4 yrs but think positive, you are young & hopefully one of the lucky ones.

  3. Gil Siegel says:

    I had 2 stem cell transplants with my cells
    Amazing process well worth the effort last transplant 12/9/10
    When you can keep moving,walking and stay in the moment at hand
    You will hit rock bottom but you slowly get back to being the person you were before you got Myeloma,I am 63 years old and now am very active in the gym lifting weights doing cardio eating whatever I want and feeling strong stay positive stay strong
    As my wife of 42 years always says “you can di it Gilbert!”

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