At times, people can exaggerate. It’s true. Everybody in the whole human race exaggerates. See?
Sometimes the added flare to one’s tale might be ever so slight, other times, it really can border on the Lie. I would like to think that I only exaggerate when it is absolutely needed. Let’s say, when I want to make a good story, awesome, in an attempt to make you think I am interesting, funny and/or brave. It was the bestest film I have ever seen, today was the hottest day known to humankind and I really was that eloquent during the conversation I just told you about, and their delivery was exactly like I depicted it to be.
In terms of My Myeloma and my experience with it, I find it very difficult to tell if I exaggerate or dare I say it, recognise it when I have exaggerated. With My Myeloma, it is very true to say that I live in the moment. By that, what I mean is that if I am having a good day, it feels like the best day I have had since before my diagnosis. That sort of exaggeration is fine. The bad days?
The real exaggeration ultimately comes on the bad days or when I am feeling bad, and that includes the mental and the physical, by the way. Both can be so dreadfully awful, that one feels like they are the living dead, trapped in purgatory and nobody and nothing, I mean, nobody is or has ever, ever felt this way since before the dinosaurs were frozen to death.
Mentally, the exaggeration is just for me and my own personal consumption, unless it is really bad and then it might spill out to others. I am not sure yet how to articulate this, but try and trust me when I say, it can be bad.
When I feel poorly and suffering, I find it very difficult to remember a time when I have felt worse, so in that moment (moment is wishful thinking), I feel like I am in hell and there is no escaping it, although I know eventually that there will be an end. To get this across to others and to get them to understand, I may at times, unwittingly, makes things, the pain, discomfort and general grottiness sound worse than it is. Granted, even if it is not the worst I have ever experienced, to the majority of people, I am sure they would find what I am experiencing pretty horrific. I have seen how people cope with the common cold, social networking makes that possible.
I cannot always remember how I felt before, and when it has been particularly unpleasant, I try to forget it as quickly as possible. I loathe it when people say they have the ‘worst’ so and so, or over use the word ‘ever’, but I am guilty of it, some of the time. Not all the time; I do not want to exaggerate. I just cannot always remember. I really should have maintained and backdated my attempt at a Pain Diary, because then there would be some historic data to judge my throwaway comments and thoughts against. It was just too time consuming and lets face it, though I am the only one to have seen it, it was depressing. Granted, the diary was still my interpretation of events and it was not qualitative proof, but if we understand the limitations of the source, I personally, would feel more confident to quantify my realtime feelings and experience to others. A barometer if you will… It would be lovely to say to somebody, today, Somebody, I am at a 1.5 and have them know exactly what I mean.
And so, the purpose of this, is to tell you, that last week I exaggerated. In this very format! As I lie on my bed with just three pillows typing, curled slightly to my right, I can with some certainty, that my pain and my mobility is not as bad as it was last September. Anybody who saw me last September and saw me now, would be able to tell me that. My friend laughed at me last week, when I realised this fact whilst I was sitting on my sofa, having navigated my way around the pouf, with my legs crossed. She then proceeded to remind me that in September of 2012, I could not lift my arms above my head nor bend down. So I exaggerated. Whoopsie. Apologies.
So how much pain and I in? The answer is, a lot. How is my mobility effected after my transplant? The answer is, a lot. Clearly, I will have to perfect this when I finally send off my claim for disability allowance. I need a Blue Badge, man and I do not know if that is an exaggeration.
P.S. I may overstate, emphasise and distort the truth on the rarest of occasion. I am certainly guilty of blowing the odd thing out of proportion. Hell, I exaggerate. To be clear though, I do not lie.