Last week, I had me a little bone marrow biopsy for a laugh. Not a laugh as such, more like a painful necessity, that I feel like I have become accustomed to.
The procedure was my fourth biopsy and I can confirm that it was very painful indeed. At one point, I am sure I screwed up my face so tightly, that it looked like I had it firmly clamped in a vice whilst constipated. Having done two of these bad boys by myself and two with another non Medially Trained Person, willing to chat utter nonsense to me whilst somebody is drilling into my hip, I can honestly say that giving in and saying that I needed help, makes the whole thing much much easier. Much easier. Friends huh, aren’t they just the best?
A few things distinguished this biopsy from previous ones. The first, and most embarrassing involves the Hot Flush. I know, I am still having them, for which my bedsheets are thankful. After the big poke, I went for some tea and cake and I got my sweat on. I got my sweat on real good. It was to such an extent that I sweated off the dressing on my hip. I did not even know hips could sweat, but evidently they do. I only realised that they do, when I went to pull my knickers down for fun and pulled that plaster clean off. As a consequence, I had to go back to the hospital, admit the unfortunate truth and get in cleaned and redressed.
The second issue that distinguishes this biopsy is the pain. It certainly hurt during it, but it’s the pain after that has me ouching. By the end of the first day, I was walking with a limp, something I would have previously saved for the drunken injury. And then the pain did not go away. It hasn’t gone away. I am no longer limping, but there is a funky feeling from the bottom of my spine round to my hip. My brain works in funny ways and I cannot recall whether the pain started before or after my biopsy, and this I find most frustrating. I am awash with paranoia. Paranoia and pain; everybody’s favourite duo. Will said pain subside? Is said pain real? Is my kyphoplasty reversing? And so on and so on and so forth.
The final point that makes this biopsy an episode of Fun House is the result. I suppose the result of the last one was important too, but that has been done and dusted. This is now.This biopsy determines what is going to happen to me going forward and that my friends, is all so very important. It’s serious stuff and I know that. I know that everyday, and I will continue to do that until I get the result. Just 10 days to go. Woo hoo.
Now, when you close your eyes to sleep tonight, just imagine me and my sweaty hip. Phhoaarr.