Tag Archives: Broken bones

A Hypothetical Conversation

WARNING – This blog contains graphic content and was overheard on the, erm, street.

Twenty something cancer patient: Come on, I couldn’t have sex at the moment. Look what I did to my rib last week bending over.

Twenty something cancer patient’s friend: [Pause] Well, he could always go down on you.

TSCP: [Laughs]

TSCPF: Come on, you’ve never been energetic in that area have you.

TSCP: [Raises voice] No. No. No. No. No. That is categorically not true. Remember when…

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Precautionary Measures

Always be prepared. A life lesson for us all. As Top would say, “always remember The Seven Ps: prior planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance.” A life lesson for us all.

I have taken note of his advice and acted upon it this chilly evening. I am not a thermometer, and I do not think I should use my NHS issue thermometer to confirm, nor my sugar thermometer for that matter, but at this moment in time, I believe it is less than 0 degrees Celsius outside. Like I said, chilly. With the chill comes frost and ice, with frost and ice comes danger. People slip on the frost and ice. They break thingsI do not want to slip on the frost or ice. I do not want to break anything else.

My great auntie broke her hip a few years ago and then the following year stayed in her house for a month when the snow and ice hit because she feared falling over and causing more damage. I do not want to stay in for a month, I cannot, but I do not want to cause more damage.

Since I was forced to learn about lyctic lesions, I have been afraid of winter, specifically, the solid deposition of water vapour from saturated air. Frost. I have fallen over on it before pre-myeloma. I do not want to fall over on it again. If last week I fractured a rib bending over on my sofa, imagine the damage that could be done if my bulk and me fell over. My spine scares me.

Seasonal agoraphobia is not an option. I have a shadow of a life and I need to live it.

Fortunately, I like to plan and I like to prepare. Doubly fortunately, there are many people in my life who offer advice, and man, do I listen. Today’s lesson, therefore, is dishwasher salt. It’s multifunctional.

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At this moment in time, there is dishwasher salt outside my front door, on the steps leading from my front door and on the pavement leading to the road. I believe this will be enough to get me safely into the ambulance tomorrow morning.

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Wish me luck. I couldn’t be any more unlucky, right? That was rhetorical. I know the answer.

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