I am becoming rather fond of my current limbo. It would be even better if there was no paraprotein inside me, but alas, it is there and I must move on… I have enjoyed myself more in the last week than I have in any other week since my diagnosis. I can certainly feel the lack of drugs in my system in the snippets of normality that this giving me.
I would tell you every individual thing I have done this last week, but I am not inclined to do so. I can tell you that I have been to a cinema, a theatre, an exhibition in an actually museum, work, a pub and I have travelled on the tube. If I told you more, it would make you jealous and long to be living my life, so it is only fair of me not to do that. Needless to say that I am more than happy that on more than one occasion this week, I have left my flat for more than five hours for something that is not myeloma related.
It feels like a return. A temporary return, but a return nonetheless.
I can feel my brain function slowly increasing, with the things that have been lying dormant slowly waking up again. You only need to see how excited I got about my work’s staff survey results or listen to my internal monologue about the wonder of Alfred Hitchcock, to see that this is true.
I had the occasional week off during PADIMAC, six to be precise, and during these times, I thought that I felt ‘normal’. I now know that I did not, I just felt marginally better. Maybe I did feel normal, it’s just that a week is not long enough. For as much fun as I am having, each day or if I am lucky two days of fun are punctuated by a day of rest. Like my paraprotein level, this too is unfortunate. My body pays me back for having fun, by sucking out my energy whilst I am sleeping, thus preventing me from getting out of bed when I wake the following day. I cannot escape from this.
At this moment in time, during my limbo, I cannot long for anymore than what I am getting. I know that in two months time, I won’t be able to do very much at all, and I can use this time to remember that there will be light at the end of the next tunnel.
A little bit of retribution from my body three days a week, compared to everything I have managed thus far, I can handle. This break is my long awaited holiday.
How ever short this period may be, it is the first time in a long time where My Myeloma has not been at the forefront of my mind, and that is really, nice.
P.S. If I have said it once, I will say it a thousand times. I will forever be amazed by the fact that the drugs the Medically Trained People administer to make you feel better, actually make you feel worse. Maybe that is payback too, to make you remember your luck. Luck that when you get sick, there are people trained to make you better. Now, if only one of those people could find a cure…