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Baby Steps

There comes a time, I assume, in every vain cancer patients journey, when they have to give in to the inevitable. I know that in a month or so’s time, I will lose my hair. I have been losing my hair since October.

I kept onto the length for as long as possible, but I fear that since the hair that fell out in the Autumn started to grow back, I had become one of those people who needed to be told to take the plunge and cut it off. It is thick on top, by varying lengths, and straggly on the bottom.

I cannot remember the last time I had short hair. I think I was probably a morbidly obese teenager, not doing well with boys, but doing well in her A Levels. I just wanted to get the last bit in, so you know that I was once a smarty pants. Whilst we are on the subject, did you know I won an award for my results? Good times. Where was I? Yes, short hair. If I was really brave, I would shave it off now. I am not really brave.

I want to know that I can have hair at varying short lengths. I am not a hair stylist. My ability to style my hair is limited to a brush, hair straighteners or a top knot. Thus, I am less worried about the total baldness, than I am about my vanity at it growing back. Plus, without long hair, what the devil am I going to play with when I am talking to people. Can I go four days without washing short hair? So many questions, with no answers.

Yesterday, I took a small step to answering some of my questions. GKD came round and to repay the dinner I cooked, she cut my hair. I can no longer tie my hair up. It’s at a length that shows off my sideburns. Sideburns, by the by, Mr Darcy would be jealous of. It’s a length that is not of my choosing.

I am not in the situation where I can have long hair. I have known this for a long time. There is nothing to be done about it and I need to stop dwelling on it. My luscious, long locks are no more. They had gone a long time ago. And this is what I am left with:

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I kind of like it.

EJB x

Oh, and in answer to my question about playing with me hair. Stroking the short bits at the back is quite soothing.

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