I have never been a morning person. I have always enjoyed a lie in and I have always loathed an early start. I did the latter because I had to, I’m an adult after all, but rarely did I take pleasure in it.
Since my diagnosis, I have continued to set my alarm clock every week day; whether I get up when it goes off is another matter entirely. Keeping that normality however, pressing the snooze button multiple times, is important to me and I have no intention of turning it off. My drugs and My Myeloma in general make me tired, so that snooze button gets used a lot now. Six times this morning. Fortunately for me, I also have a human, who acts as an alarm clock before he goes to work, and that usually gets me moving. If not moving and dressed, at least temporarily out of bed for a pee and a cup of tea.
The struggle to wake up these days, under the influence of thalidomide is proving to be much more difficult. As I have always been something of a sloth, it means that I am now late for every day time activity, including my treatment every Friday at 11. The excuses I give for this varies, but I am yet to use, ‘I just couldn’t get up’. I suppose I could change the time of my appointment, but if it was later, I know that I would be in exactly the same position as when it is at 11. At least it forces me to get up. I always have grand plans about the time I am going to get up and become a human, but at 07:30hrs, that usually goes out the window. By 09:00hrs, I just hope that the next day will be better.
I am a zombie in the morning, correction, every morning. I usually feel like I have downed a good few pints of Kronenberg the previous night and that sensation will stay with me until at least midday when I will eventually be able to converse without going cross eyed. Even on the days and nights when insomnia is visiting, I am awake, but my body is incapable of getting up. I get through the mornings at a snails pace and it is frustrating. If I do happen to have plans before 14:00hrs on a day, I try to take my drugs before 22:00hrs the night before, because this will make a difference on my performance when I wake. It doesn’t however completely remove the hangover. If only it did. Fortunately, I have dealt with many a hangover in my time.
Gone are the days where I can skip breakfast. Added to my current levels of tardiness, is the fact that I have to take drugs and eat before I do anything. There is a timetable within that however, so I am not talking about a five minute slot every morning where I shove things down my gob. It is slow, leisurely affair. My bowel issues will almost always delay me in the morning. I imagine not many people have to schedule in poo time. The sad thing is, one cannot predict how long this activity will actually take.
I really do hate being late for everything. I have felt it more over the last few days, but I think that is because my alarm clock has taken himself on a holiday, so I have to take on a little bit more responsibility for my actions. Or lack there of.
One day I’ll be able to wake up at 06:30hrs again and then be ready in 45 minutes, but unfortunately, I suspect that for this chapter of my life, I cannot exist before 11:00hrs.
To be clear, all of this is not because I am lazy, it’s because I have cancer. Nobody can argue with that.