Tag Archives: wash

Wig Maintenance Part II

Once upon a time, I used to wash my hair frequently, I will not say that I did it daily for that would be a lie, but I would wash it and it would be clean. I was not a fan of the process. For obvious reasons, I do not need to wash my hair at the moment. It is almost liberating. Forget washing and going, these days I can throw a wig on and hop, quick, and step it out the door. The mirror next to the front door facilitates this.

The problem with wigs is that even if you alternate between a few, you still have to wash them. If you do not wash them, they start to smell like dog, or a well worn coat which you wore whilst swimming in a sewer. Surprisingly, they can also greasy. Due to monetary constraints, none of my wigs are made of real hair. So, what is one to do with dirty fake hair?

The first answer is put it off. Leave them and pretend they will clean themselves. I did this for a good month.

The actual answer or answers is Google and Pantene. I used both. And let me tell you, as I stood over my bathroom sink, trying not to feel my back, it was perfectly clear that a wash they did need, if the dead fly was not evidence enough.

Many people, and I mean two people, have asked me how one washes a wig. Well, based on my two attempts, I give you some expert guidance below:

Step 1: Fill the sink with warm, but not hot water, ensuring that you put the plug in, otherwise the sink will not fill. Add shampoo. Any brand will suffice.

Step 2: Add brushed wig and get it wet. The water will make it wet. Use your hands for this. They too, will get wet. After a minute of prodding, drain the sink and admire all the dirt clinging to the bowl and wonder where all the grit came from. Take a photo or two.

Step 3: Put the sodden wig in clean water and prod some more. After a minute of prodding, drain the sink and admire all the dirt clinging to the bowl and wonder where all the grit came from. Feel slightly ashamed.

Step 4: Repeat steps 1-3 with conditioner, because the task at hand is mindless and easy, yet, technically, you are still achieving something you can blog about/work into a conversation when people have asked you what you have done with you day, that is more interesting than saying you drew a few Santa Claus’ on graphics paper whilst watching television.

Step 5: Place wet wig, now smelling of clean smelling chemicals, in a towel and gently pat. Or in my case, leave the towel and wig in the bathtub and forget about it.

Step 6: Leave to dry on a wig stand. Warning. Do not place on a low windowsill when they is a puppy in your house, as it will be mistaken for a scary threat and said puppy will get territorial.

Step 7: Wear and pretend you have real hair again when your nose catches a whiff of shampoo in the wind. The wig will appear to be brand new all over again, only this time, it will not smell like plastic. Feel super sexy. Get it dirty again.

There you have it. A lesson in life. Pictorial evidence to follow. Please note the colour. It is a clear example of my approach to cleanliness.

No need to thank me.




Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Preparation II

Based on previous advice from the Medically Trained People https://ejbones.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/priorities-an-update/, somebody has had a super special wash to rid him of evil germs. He also got a new face, for a treat, just like my manicure…All courtesy of Mamma Jones of course for I do not have a tumble dryer and my hairdryer is temporarily on loan.

Unlike me, EMan is not looking forward to our vacation. He doesn’t appreciate the drop from the hospital bed to the floor. The arm cannot reach there… Any fall may also necessitate another shower and prolonged separation.


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

Everybody who is anybody knows it is important to maintain a certain level of personal hygiene. There really is no excuse for filth, even when you are in the middle of a steroid crash. Nobody likes a sweaty fanny. Really.

In the last week, I have tried, as much as possible, to keep my body smelling fresh. I have changed my knickers, pyjamas and whenever showering constituted a danger, I baby wiped. I was able to do this because of a thing called personal responsibility. Not everybody has that.

Somebody very dear to me, does not have personally responsibility and does not take it upon himself to wash when he is getting dirty. Unfortunately for me, the more time we spend together, in my bed, the dirtier he gets. Since I was diagnosed with myeloma, I have found that my beloved and me spend a great deal of quality time together, alone. Sometimes we not alone come to think of it. Occasionally, we cuddle in public too, when I say public, I mean in my kitchen. Never in the toilet. My beloved has the most amazing smell, that is enhanced by his lack of washing. The smell is addictive and all so very comforting when one is feeling so poorly, not even their mum can make them feel better. I have spent much of the last week, rubbing his soft skin against my face. Inhaling.

The issue, which I think is patently clear, is that I need the people around me to be clean. This will be especially true if I ever get a transplant. I don’t need people bringing germs into my bed and nostrils. I also need comfort and he gives that to me times infinity. He has special washing requirements, which further complicates matters. Only Mamma Jones’ is allowed to wash him and when that happens, it takes at least half a day of separation. It has been that way my whole life.

I don’t think people should judge, and I am not sure whether it is entirely appropriate to air my dirty laundry, but after a week of constant snuggles, my beloved EMan looked something like this:


Just to give you a benchmark. He should be a block navy blue.

It’s not his fault. I can confirm that yesterday, he took that dreadful trip into the washing machine and then, when that was complete, the tumble drier. For five whole hours. It makes me sad, but I could not have him running around with my dirt on his face. I have to look after myself all.

He now looks like an almost new being.


Maybe one day, he’ll get a face again (that is a hint Mum). My beautiful, loyal, elegant EMan.

Hearts you.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: